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Friday, June 22, 2007

I think I'm me again

So it's been a few days since I've burst into tears.

And while I'm definitely sad, especially in the evening when there is no one to hang out with, I feel more like myself again.

And I don't feel the need to beg my husband to please, please get out of the Navy and never ever leave me again.

Because I seriously was on the verge of doing just that a few days ago.

The truth is, there are a lot of benefits to his being in the Navy. The insurance is great, we get to travel and meet new friends all over the world, some day the retirement will be pretty good, I have a common bond with a lot of people that I wouldn't normally have a lot in common with...

But I think one of the most surprising things, to me, about having my husband in the Navy, is the depth of respect it has given me for him. I mean, of course I respected him enough to marry him. And I knew before we started dating that he would be in the Navy. He was ROTC in college when we met, and when we started dating it was with the understanding that I would need to be willing to marry someone in the military. And if I wasn't, then there was no reason for us to date.

But before you are married you can't possibly understand the full extent of the bond you develop, or what it means to be one.

Or that when your husband is gone, part of you is very much gone with him.

But I love him so much more, and respect him so much more, for the fact that he did not just serve his time to pay the military back for his education and then get out. He truly wants to serve. He volunteered to go to Afghanistan two years ago when the call came out. We didn't know at the time that they'd only give him 9 days notice that he'd be going, but I don't think that would have made a difference. He wanted to help in the effort to build hospitals and buildings, and roads that would provide access to previously inaccessible people.

And the thing that resonates most deeply with me, is that I know he would give his life if necessary. Not just by being in a dangerous place, but that if it was called for, he would be the one to give his life in order to save his men or others in danger.

And while I really hope and pray that that never happens, I am proud to be his wife.

John 15:13: Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.


Bethany said...

What a great guy! And what a great attitude you have!

Joy said...

You got to the heart of it - very well said. Thanks for sharing.

Michelle said...

What a sweet post! And I agree you have a wonderful attitude about his being gone. I know it has got to be hard for you. I have thought about you often since I first came across your blog and silly me saved the url to your wordless Wed post! So when I have come back to check in it has taken me there, not knowing that you posted =P HOpe you have a wonderful and blessed Monday!
password ~ Welcome
username ~ friends (lowercase f )

blest said...

Totally. Totally. Totally Understand. Been There. Done that. Got the gifts from foreign lands to prove it. ;-) Mine just told me that he will probably be on the 2010 board for LtCol - so he wants to get back to the deploying fleet ASAP to enhance his chances.


I know you have lots of other friends and support, but I hope you know I am on the list of people you can call or email for a good chat. Bethany has my phone number....

MorningSong said...

I pray all will be well and your hubby will return home alive and well!! I cannot imagine the heartbreak you must feel at times. It sounds like it is mixed with pride knowing your man is a true warrior for others!! I pray God will comfort you and strengthen you again to make it while your husband is away. Many blessings to you and to your family. Thank you and your husband for the sacrifices you both have made for our country. Thank you to your children for sharing their daddy with us all as he serves.

Be blessed!!

Posh Mama said...

I know how it feels, my hubby is Navy too. Its hard sometimes, and I want to yell at a lot of people at his base sometimes! Thankfully he is an Active Duty Reservist so he doesn't go to a lot of the really dangerous places. Although in Oct he will go out in Oct for 6 months to do drug busts. Scary sometimes. But when he gets back we go to shore duty! What a blessing that will be :) I pray that all goes well for you and your family!

The Small Scribbler said...

I happened upon your blog several weeks ago when you wrote about your husband's impending deployment. I just wanted to let you know that I think of you often and pray when you cross my mind.