The break-up(s) (part 9)

I don't remember what came first, the break-ups or the helpful comments on my appearance.

But I do know the first break-up was sometime during the spring semester of my freshman year.

It was my first broken heart, but I can't really remember why JT broke up with me. I remember there were lots of assurances that he really did love me.

And I don't remember why or when we got back together, but we did.

It was the start of a pattern. The outside world could never tell if we were broken up or together, and really, I don't think anyone knew how often he broke up with me. Off the top of my head I can remember four times over the course of my freshman and sophomore year. I know one time it was because he was going up north for an away game, and well, there was this other girl going to be there and he just needed to be free for nature to take its course.

Only nature didn't take its course, and we got back together at some point.

When we weren't broken up he liked to talk about getting married after we graduated. And he thought I was totally beautiful. Except, was I gaining the freshman 15? I wouldn't do that, would I? And there's this girl in one of his classes, she got all tanned over the weekend and was wearing a shirt that showed her stomach...maybe I was a little too pale, and I should start tanning? And this other girl in his class, she was really aggressive in the way she flirted with him, and maybe I should be more aggressive.

Yeah, can someone tell me why I didn't run screaming in the opposite direction? Because looking back, I don't know how I put up with it for so long, or why I let it make me insecure.

But I did.