You might want to take notes on my technique

In surfing the blogosphere I have at times come across those mothers...you might even be one.

They are the mothers who post pictures of their three-year-olds learning how to iron, or already ironing proficiently, happy to contribute to the well-run household. They have from 1-3:00 on Tuesdays set aside for ironing each week.

Well, the other day (oh, ok, it was back in December before Isaac came back from deployment), I pulled out the iron and ironing board and Chloe walked up, and looked at me and said, "Mommy, what is that?"

"It's an iron and an ironing board."

"Oh. What do you do with it?"

And just a few minutes later, Luke walked up and said, "Mommy, what is that?"

And so it is my solemn goal that sometime in the next two years Audrey will see an iron and an ironing board, and will walk up and say, "Mommy, what is that?"

Because I'm going to try really hard not to get it out again until then.

I ask out of curiosity...

If you inherited some money, a nice chunk of it, and you had no monetary responsibilities, what would you do with it?

We did inherit some recently, and since we do have responsibilities, we are paying off our debt. Most of it is student loans, but there's some credit card debt. It will be the first time in seven years of marriage that we aren't living under a cloud of college debt.

If we didn't have that, then I'd probably want to set the money aside for possibly adopting a child from another country in a couple years.

But if I'm just dreaming?

Well, I'd pay to have "the girls" lifted back to where God originally placed them. Because they are on a slippery slope downwards, my friends.

And I might just toss a little tummy tuck in there, too, to finally get rid of that persistent little pooch.

So now I've exposed my inner shallowness...what would you do?

If I'm not back soon, call Animal Control

Or David Arquette.

Or Jeff Daniels.

Because I need to go up into the attic, and I know with absolute certainty that there is some sort of freaky, giant, woman-eating spider that is going to get me.

And I don't know how to turn the light on up there.

Because we all know that turning the lights on keeps the bad things away.

Just like keeping your arms and legs on the bed and under the covers keeps the monsters that live under your bed from being able to get you.

And yes, I do realize that I'm 30 years old, and not, you know, 8, but I've been sleeping next to a pile of laundry instead of a man for the past five and a half months, so I am understandably twitchy about things that go bump in the night.

And things that build webs in the attic.

However, the man who belongs in my bed will not be back for another two weeks, and my children can not wait that long to decorate for Christmas. We absolutely must decorate thisverysecondrightnowpleasepleaseplease.

And so I am heroically making this sacrifice for my children.

I'm goin' up.

Pity Me

For I fell behind on the laundry.

This is just the clean stuff to be put away.

I still have more I need to wash.

It might not happen after all...

We had a day full of errands and are almost ready to go tomorrow. The clothes are set aside but not packed, new movies were bought, but I still need to set up the portable dvd in the car.

And then, just before bed...

The stinkiest, leakiest, loudest diaper ever.

On Audrey.

Just to clarify.

And half an hour later?

Another one.

And it just has that smell...that icky, I've got a stomach bug smell.

But she doesn't have a fever, so we'll see what the night brings!

Note to self- part three

Next time the kids have a razzberry contest in the backseat of the van?

Make sure they've finished their chocolate ice cream first.

Really not a baby anymore

Today I had the startling revelation that Chloe is really not a baby anymore.

Now I know that at almost 5 years old, this should have occurred to me by now.

But today I received a visual reminder.

She rolled her eyes at me.

I guess in some corner of me, there was this hope that if we homeschooled, we'd be able to skip past that attitude stuff altogether.

Yeah.

Not so much.

Which is silly really, since I have heard somewhere (like, oh, The Bible) that we've all sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

But at least later we were able to return to joy in innocent things like apple boats. Apple slices with mini-marshmallow men, pretzel stick oars, and almond butter glue (so much yummier than peanut butter).

I'm sure one day they'll be way too babyish to get excited over.

But for today she's still young enough.

Burned Out

Lately I've had so much trouble thinking of anything to blog that is more interesting than "grrr...argh...frustrating kids...must wash more dishes..." and I've realized that I am burned out. I'm tired and I feel like I spend 70% of my day yelling at or in some way disciplining my kids, 25% cleaning and 5% sleeping.

And I don't want to be *that* mom, who resents her kids and complains about them all the time.

My dad is coming in two days and is going to spend an entire week. He's going to help with some household projects and the kids love playing with him, and I am going to get out a bit. I'm going to leisurely browse Lifeway and find a new book to use for my quiet times, since lately I seem to just be reading the Word blindly with almost no comprehension, much less any application to my life. We're also going to do some fun trips as a family, and it will be so nice to have someone help with buckling three kids into carseats in 100 degree weather!

I may even get the last of the boxes in my bedroom unpacked and have a yard sale so I can finally park in my garage.

I'm going to take a break from the blog for the next week or so, and hopefully I'll come back refreshed and finding joy in my life again!

Have a great week.

Note to self- part two

Next time you pull Audrey out of the carseat and grab a handful of poop from the leaky diaper, don't forget to go back out to the car to get the carseat and wash it.

When the heat index is 113-115.

Your nose will thank you when you get back in the van.

Two days later.

They can't fool me!

You know you have watched too many episodes of Alias when you wake up to the sound of your child yelling and screaming that he's ready to wake up, and you tell yourself that it is really just the evil plot of your nemesis to drive you crazy with sleep deprivation and you block it out and pull the covers over your head.

And you really believe it for a while.

Day 1

So I have a break from the, er, bowels of potty training, so to speak.

At the end of the first day, Luke now goes potty every time I take him, so I know he has some control. He also recognizes when he's wet, which he didn't in the beginning. But he doesn't know when he needs to go, and just pees on the floor and then yells, "Oh no! Mommy! The potty came out!"

I was hoping that by the end of the day he'd be able to tell me when he needs to go, ven if he doesn't quite make it on time. That is where we were with Chloe (and she was almost a year younger!)

But we made progress, and it wasn't too bad. Hopefully it will be mostly done tomorrow, though!

Spider!!!

Today I came running when I heard Luke yell from the other room, "Spider!!! Mommy, spider!"

I won't even tell you how many times this happened and I looked for the elusive spider.

I thought it must have been a fly he was seeing, because there was no way a spider was getting around the house that quickly, and I refused to entertain the idea that several different spiders had taken up residence in the house.

And then I realized...

Luke was wearing his new bug underwear.

There was a spider on them.

So later when I heard him yell, "Mommy! I got crabs!" I knew he didn't really. It was his new underwear.

I'm quick like that, see?

It's Potty Time!

Today we are potty training Luke.

We've done the potty dance. We do a "go underwear!" cheer.

I even had to do a "gas" dance when he had gas while sitting on the toilet.

And no, don't even ask, I'm not demonstrating any of the dances for you. But I will tell you that it involves much waving of the hands and grooving in circles.

We have had two accidents, one big and one small, but he does go quickly every time he sits on the toilet. No forcing him to sit there for 10 minutes or anything.

Thankfully a friend picked up Chloe to play at her house, because Audrey decided to teeth her first two teeth today! I thought about putting off the potty training, but Luke has been asking to sit on the toilet (and actually going on it) on and off since February, and we had everything ready to go and we had already talked about learning today, so I'm hoping that she'll get over the fussies quickly.

Ok, it's time to head back to the toilet. I'll come back and update you later.

Can you stand the suspense of it?

It just melts my heart

The other night Luke wanted to sit in my lap and cuddle for a while.


As I sat there holding him, I just had to give him a big hug, and told him, "I love you. You're a good boy."


He turned and looked at me, and smiled and I got ready for one of those melt your heart moments when your children tell you how much they love you or appreciate you or how beautiful you are

He said, "woof."


It's a good thing he's cute.

My Recent Bad Day and Benefiber

So I recently posted about how I was having a bad day, and my friend Sheree commented that she was surprised I'd found time to blog.

It made me think.

I know she didn't mean it as a criticism, but it made me wonder-

Why did I feel it necessary to blog in the midst of a frustrating time with my kids?

And then I realized that it helped me to dispel the urge to spank the ever-lovin' daylights out of my kids.

And not to discipline them or anything. Just to relieve my frustration.

And it always helps to hear that other people have the exact same feelings and same bad days.

And it never hurts to get a new way of sneaking fiber into your diet, now does it?

Because, really, now that we've all given birth, our bodies just aren't the same.

So, I am here to reassure you- you can't tell that the Benefiber is in the coffee at all. But stay away from the Metamucil, because that stuff is just nasty.

Snotty Von Whinypants

You know those days where everything just comes together?

You get a shower in and even manage to do your hair and make-up, the kids are dressed and have their teeth brushed, no one watches too much tv, and you just plain enjoy your kids?

Today is not one of those days.

In fact, this week is not one of those weeks.

I started the day off on only an hour and a half of sleep.

By one o'clock, Luke was crying and dripping snot everywhere because I finally turned the tv off after, oh, FIVE HOURS.

Chloe was sobbing dramatically in her room because I told her she couldn't slam her bedroom door in Luke's face.

Audrey was screaming because she was not attached to my bre*st and she is apparently going through a growth spurt.

Finally everyone is napping, and man, do I wish I had a shot of something to add to my coffee.

Besides the Benefiber that is already in there, that is.

And it was such a nice day...

We had a great morning. The kids were finally starting to feel better from their virus and we had a lot of fun playing.

Nap time was peaceful.

And then Luke woke up screaming and clutching his head.

Tylenol and a lot of very awkward cuddles (Audrey also woke up and was ready to nurse at the same time) finally got him to stop crying, but he remained pretty fussy.

I finally got Audrey fed and Luke and Chloe settled with crafts, and started dinner. I got my onions sauteeing on medium-high heat and then Audrey started screaming, and was ready for her evening nap.

The phone rang as I got her ready to sleep. It was my husbad saying he'd be home late.

As I was talking to him on the phone and jiggling Audrey so she wouldn't scream, I noticed that Luke was coloring on his plastic elephant.

With marker.

And my onions were burning.

Onions off the heat, elephant in the sink, Luke to his room for a time out, Audrey in a rocker.

The onions barely survived, so I got the soup quickly into the food processor.

And pressed on.

And had mashed potatoes and broth EVERYWHERE.

It flew out the top and leaked out of the bottom.

And of course it was on the counter opposite the sink, so I had to carry it across the kitchen to clean up.

There are a whole lot places for mashed potatoes to get stuck in a food processor.

When my husband gets home, I'm going to Panera Bread.

Alone.

In Which I Fail Greatly To Be Insightful

We had some dear friends come and stay with us last weekend. Since then I've been wanting to write a deep and insightful post -with pictures- about the blessings of friendship over time. But I'm just way too tired.

And the snot.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Three snotty kids just makes for a lot of snot.

(That's a pretty icky word, isn't it? Snot.)

(And do you think I could say it a few more times?)

So some other time when I haven't been woken up every hour for three nights in a row, I will hunt down pictures and be all insightful and stuff.

Today my brain is limited to dwelling on snot.

Oh, and PEPPERS! Did you know that you don't have to saw away at peppers to cut them?

I really like my new knife.

And I still have all my fingertips.

In case you were wondering.

Although, with this level of exhaustion I have acheived, maybe I should just hold off on using my new sharp knife for a few days.

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

The difference between boys and girls:

Chloe's favorite question: WHY?

Luke's favorite question: WHY NOT?

2am Wakeup Calls

I'm not a big fan of 2am wake up calls. I really like my sleep.

So I was a bit put out when I woke up at 2:15 hearing Luke calling me.

And I wasn't feeling the love when I stubbed my toe on the laundry basket on my way to his room.

If it hadn't been past 2am, it would have been cute when he said, "My sock fell down!" and held up his sock for me to put back on.

So I sat down in the chair to put his sock back on, because me and balance at 2am? Not friends.

(See the aforementioned stubbed toe)

And then Luke gently stroked my hair and said, "Nice hair, Mommy."

And even at 2am that melted my heart.

And then I went back to my room and walked face-first into my bedroom door.