I know why the caged bird sings

And it's because after 6 months all alone in a nice, roomy, king-sized cage, some boy bird moved in and spread his wings and snuggled up and pinned the bird to the very edge of the bed cage and then proceeded to fall asleep within 15 nanoseconds (how does he do that, how, HOW?) while the girl bird was stuck there, wide awake and trying to tug her leg wing out from under him while various itches cropped up all over her body and the urge to move overwhelmed all other thought processes and I NEED TO BE FREE TO ROLL OVER AT NIGHT PEOPLE!!!

This post was brought to you by a sleepless night and three cups of coffee...so far.

9:30pm

The power is flickering, people.

I just got out of the shower and I have wet, frizzy hair and no makeup on and the power is flickering.

If it goes completely out and I have to do my makeup in the dark and greet my husband with frizzy hair, I will just tell that plane to turn around.

They can come back tomorrow when I look fabulous.

8pm

It's 8pm and Isaac's flight has been delayed so I have several hours to kill.

I'm so nervous excited that I'm ready to throw up.

And I think time is moving backwards right now.

If you give a girl a computer

If you get a wireless internet connection, your husband will want you to make it secure.

When you finally get around to it, it will probably be midnight.

You'll want some hot chocolate to give you strength.

With all your chocolate induced strength, you'll probably visit the Microsoft page.

If you read the Microsoft page at midnight you will get very confused.

You'll want some more hot chocolate to make you feel better.

After you've made more hot chocolate you'll visit many more web pages.

After visiting many more web pages, you'll remember that your new modem has a user's manual.

You'll read the user's manual.

You'll probably want some more hot chocolate to go with it.

The user's manual will direct you to the online settings.

You'll go online to change your settings and accidentally lock yourself out of your own network.

You'll try to change your settings only to realize that they're online, and you have locked yourself out of your network.

You'll probably curse and cry and get some more hot chocolate.

You might try to use someone else's unsecured network.

Then you'll use the reset button on the modem.

You'll probably lock yourself out of your network and have to reset the modem two or three more times.

And chances are, if you make your wireless network secure, you're going to need some hot chocolate so you can blog about it.

If I'm not back soon, call Animal Control

Or David Arquette.

Or Jeff Daniels.

Because I need to go up into the attic, and I know with absolute certainty that there is some sort of freaky, giant, woman-eating spider that is going to get me.

And I don't know how to turn the light on up there.

Because we all know that turning the lights on keeps the bad things away.

Just like keeping your arms and legs on the bed and under the covers keeps the monsters that live under your bed from being able to get you.

And yes, I do realize that I'm 30 years old, and not, you know, 8, but I've been sleeping next to a pile of laundry instead of a man for the past five and a half months, so I am understandably twitchy about things that go bump in the night.

And things that build webs in the attic.

However, the man who belongs in my bed will not be back for another two weeks, and my children can not wait that long to decorate for Christmas. We absolutely must decorate thisverysecondrightnowpleasepleaseplease.

And so I am heroically making this sacrifice for my children.

I'm goin' up.

We take a break from our regularly scheduled caffeinated ramblings...

To bring you complete and utter mortification.

Today my cable company came out to see if they could re-hook my cable, which was partially disconnected by that unnamed large satelite tv provider henceforth known as the devil (and I signed a 2-year contract with the devil, ya'll).

The cable company said that they don't go into the attic or anything, but that their guy would check the cable box and see if they could just re-hook it there, otherwise the devil would have to do it.

So this afternoon a youngish, not unattractive man (Isaac if you're reading this, the only reason I mention that is because it makes my mortification that much worse. If you were a woman you'd understand this) so, a youngish, not unattractive man shows up at my door and looks at the cables and decides to go above and beyond the call of duty.

Literally.

He went up into the attic to see what he could see.

And what he saw were two foundational garments hanging on the doorknob that he had to unlock and open to get to the attic access through our laundry room.

And ya'll.

Ya'll.

I don't have small, discreet foundational garments.

So I did what any modest girl would do and pretended that it didn't happen, that they didn't exist and that he didn't see anything.

And then he went into my bedroom to check the outlets there.

My bedroom.

By now most of you know about my laundry habits while my husband is deployed.

So, needless to say, there were more foundational garments lying on the bed in all their not-small glory.

The bed which he had to get behind to reach the cable outlet.

I won't even mention the boudoir pictures on the wall that I had taken for my husband two years ago when he was in Afghanistan and I was skinny.

The ones of me in my foundational garments and little else.

The ones I would hide if I knew someone was going into my bedroom.

I really just might die of the mortification.

My friend, the tv

I finished watching the entire Alias series on dvd several weeks ago, so I was relieved when the new season premieres started.

What else does a girl with a deployed husband and three kids have to do at night?

Ok, so dishes, laundry, vacuuming and unpacking all come to mind, but let's be honest.

Not gonna happen once the kids are finally in bed and quiet.

So I dvr'd a new series or eight and have been working my way through them. I'd watch them on actual tv, but this whole Central Time thing really throws me off.

Plus, I really like how fast the fast forward is when the commercials are dvr'd.

Anyway, I had high hopes that Bionic Woman would fill the Alias-shaped hole in my life, but Jamie Sommers just doesn't have the rockin pink hair and fantabulous clothes the way Sidney Bristow does. She does kick some serious booty, though, so I'm not giving up yet.

So I turned to Big Shots in the hopes that a series with Michael Vartan would fulfill me. While I was glad he seemed to be the only halfway decent character, I haven't gotten around to watching the second episode yet, and don't really feel drawn to.

And then came Pushing Daisies.

It is cute, quirky, original and I loved it.

And couldn't wait to watch the second episode.

And with clothes like these, how could you resist?

And while that last one lacks appropriate, er, foundational garments, I tried in vain to find a good picture of the dress with red flowers that Chuck wore in last week's episode "Dummy" and couldn't, so the um, unsupported dress with red flowers had to do.

And Olive's rendition of "Hopelessly Devoted" had me laughing out loud.

The meme that almost wasn't

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away...also known as 6 months ago when I still lived in Maryland, Bethany tagged me for Theme Songs: The Meme.

And I didn't do it.

However, four full days of driving gave me time to listen to all the songs on my ipod.

Multiple times.

The first day was great. The nappers napped peacefully, all the kids watched tv, no one fought, and mommy got to relax and listen to my own music and I lifted my voice and was praising the Lord in song, ya'll.

The other three days of driving I lifted my voice for slightly less holy reasons.

Anyway, all that time made me think of the meme, so here goes!

1. If you could pick your own theme song, what would it be?

Lead of Love by Caedmon's Call

Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight
Looking back it is clear to me
That a man is more than the sum of his deeds
And how you make good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery
Looking back you knowYou had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky now I see why
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love
Looking back I can finally see
How failures bring humility(I'd rather have wisdom and pain)
Brings me to my knees(Than be a comfortable old fool)
Helps me see my need for thee
Looking back you knowYou had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky now I see why
Had to walk the rocks
to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love

2. Now be honest…if others had to pick a song that described you, what would they choose?

I have no idea!!! Anyone have any thoughts for me?

3. What song would be/was the first dance at your wedding?

I'll Give by Smalltown Poets

Yesterday I lived for me
And I was so alone as I could be
Then I saw You and how You give Yourself away
And I want to live for You today
(chorus)I'll give; I'll hold nothing
I'll give and I'll hold nothing back
My love is a lot like me
Wanting nothing less than everything
But I know You're the only love that's true
And only giving makes makes me close to You
(chorus)I'll give; I'll hold nothing
I'll give and I'll hold nothing back
My hands are open, so take what You see
And I'll keep nothing, hold nothing back from me
(chorus)I'll give; I'll hold nothing
I'll give and I'll hold nothing back

And yes, in that song they are singing to God and not a person, but it's also the attitude we try to bring to our marriage.

4. What song gets stuck in your head most often?
Unfortunately for the last few years it has been the theme song to Dora the Explorer. It's painful.

5. What song would you want played at your funeral?

That's a hard one. I have a hard time choosing from It Is Well With My Soul, Better is One Day and Be Thou My Vision. I guess I'd let my husband pick since I wouldn't really care at that point. If my husband died I'd play That's What Soldiers Do by Monk and Neagle at his funeral.

Come and walk with me, my son
I need to share my heart
Tomorrow when the morning comes

I’m headed off to war
Take care of your mother
And your little brother, too
I’m praying that I’ll be home soon
So I can be with you
I know you’re only 10 years old
I know that you’re afraid

But I need you to be brave for me
And for the family
I know it’s hard to see me cry
But put your mind at ease
God is watching over us
So we can be at peace
With all my heart
I can’t wait to tuck you in
And sing a song to you
Son, stand strong
Love is the reason I would give myself for you
‘Cause that’s what soldiers do
Remember what I taught you now
About how to be a man
Talk with God throughout the day
He will help you stand
With faith to see, hope to believe
And love for everyone
Know that I’m so proud of you
And I will always love you, son
With all my heart
I want to take you to our favorite place
And catch a fish or two
Son, stand strong
Love is the reason I would give myself for you
‘Cause that’s what soldiers do
And as I go, I want you to know if I
Don’t make it home
You are gonna be alright
I’m telling you, son,

You’re gonna touch the sky
Don’t lose hope, just lift your eyes
We’ll be together again some day
So with all my heart
Hold on to Jesus, son
And He will lead you through
Son, stand strong
You may never go to war
But you’re a soldier, too
And when you have a son like you
Teach him to fight for what is true
‘Cause that’s what soldiers do

I won't tag anyone to do this, but if you decide to, leave me a comment so I can come check out your choices!

If I haven't lost my mind already, then I probably will this week

I'm lonely.

Well, I just put that right out there, didn't I?

School started and people got busy and suddenly I have literally gone weeks without a face-to-face real conversation with someone.

Oh, I've been to Bible Study and church and cheer practice and talked to people, but an honest-to-goodness conversation?

Weeks.

So I decided that on Tuesday I'll load up my crew and drive 8 hours to visit my friend Joy, whose husband is also deployed.

Or so I thought.

I don't know quite how I did it, but the brain cells? They are failing me.

It doesn't take 8 hours to drive from Mississippi to North Carolina.

It takes 14.

And I'm still going to attempt it.

And I mean attempt, because I'm a practical person and I know that I may make it to Alabama or Georgia, stay in a hotel for the night, and turn around and head home the very next day.

But if I make it, we'll have seven kids and zero husbands, and the refreshment of as much time as I want with a Christian sister who has known me since before my husband and I started dating.

And that is definitely worth the effort.

So if you don't hear from me for a few days, then I'm probably in North Carolina.

Hopefully with all three of my kids in tow, and still in possession of my sanity.

And if anyone knows where the Starbucks are located along the way? Share!

I have a feeling I'll need the caffeine!

Navy Life

Navy life as a 23-year-old with no children: Flying off to Mazatlan for the weekend because the ship is docking for a few days. Greeting your husband at the dock wearing beautiful, flowing skirt, him in his crisp, white uniform, reminiscent of Top Gun.

Navy life as an almost-30-year-old with three kids: Getting all the kids into the car at night in the rain by yourself to go to the store to buy a plunger because you either don't have one or you still haven't unpacked it after four months. Getting home and realizing that you have no idea how to plunge a toilet.

I'm livin' the dream, people.

Livin' the dream.

Tackle It Tuesday- Chloe's Room

Something had to change. Luke has been terrible at bedtime since Isaac left. He's up for about 2 hours every night after bedtime yelling and screaming for different things- drinks of water, using the toilet (which he refuses to do during the day), needing a different blanket or pillow...the list goes on.

So Audrey has been sleeping in my room since she couldn't share with him, and I wake up at every little noise she makes.

I was exhausted and frustrated with my kids. So I decided to move Audrey's crib into Chloe's room and totally rearrange the furniture there. By myself.

Halfway through, I thought, "What in the world was I thinking?"



I took a break for a few days, but finally sucked it up and finished moving things, and here is how it turned out-

So now Audrey and Chloe are sharing a room, and Luke is still up 12 times a night, but at least I'm getting a little more sleep!

To see more tackles, visit 5 Mintues For Mom

Logistics

One of the hardest things about living without my husband around has been the logistics of handling three small kids. I have only one set of hands and there are times when Chloe and Luke both need their teeth brushed, Audrey needs a bottle, everyone needs pajamas, I still need dinner, and we all need it RIGHT! NOW!

But sometimes it's really a little ridiculous! Our tv broke, so I did all my comparison shopping online, then bought a new one. from Sears (because have I mentioned that I am watching the entire Alias series on dvd while my husband is gone? How did I not know this was such a great show and I was totally missing out while it was actually on the air?)

Anyway. I ordered it to be delivered to our local Sears and went to pick it up today. The designated loading zone for the pick up area was full, so I parked in the nearest parking space about 10 feet away.

Got all three kids unstrapped and out.

Got Audrey in the stroller.

Splashed in puddles.

Went inside to have them load up the tv.

But they could not load it into my car that was 10 feet away from the designated loading area. So I went back out.

Splashed in puddles.

Got Audrey out of the stroller.

Got all three kids in and strapped.

Drove 10 feet and waited while the guys put it in the back of the van.

Drove 10 feet to park again.

Got all three kids unstrapped and out.

Got Audrey in the stroller.

Splashed in puddles.

Went into the mall to have dinner and look at sand sculptures.

And we all had ice cream.

Because it really does make everything better!

I have a dishwasher!!!

And I have no idea how it is possible but somehow the new dishwasher- which is exactly the same size and fits in the same space as my old one- holds about 14,000 more dishes.

And the top rack raises and lowers and there are things that attach and detach and fold over, and it brings me joy and fills my kitchen with light and happiness just to look at it.

It does not, however, bring me joy to see the scratch/chip that somehow got put in my cupboard. I've had three phone conversations about it today, the original guy who came out is coming back next week to look at it, and you can bet that Home Depot is getting a visit by me in person.

I'll keep you updated about that.

And I know you'll all just be on the edge of your seats until this drama plays out.

I hope you can sleep what with all the excitement and new developments going on.

But hey, at least it got rid of my blogger's block!

The magic words

So today I discovered that Home Depot really does appreciate it when you use the magic words.

But they aren't "please" and "thank you" no matter what The Backyardigans sing.

No, the magic words for Home Depot are "baby" and "health hazard."

As soon as I said that, they were all about coming out today to try and fix my sink, instead of maybe tomorrow or whenever their contractors had time.

Wouldn't the world be so much nicer if people really did respond to please and thank you?

It's like something out of a bad movie

You know those movies where the husband goes away and then everything goes wrong?

Well, I have been waiting and waiting for our new dishwasher to arrive. The one that came with our house makes the dishes dirtier than when they went in.

Seriously.

It just spreads sediment over everything in there, kind of like some nasty, less cheerful form of pixie dust.

So today was finally the day, and the delivery men arrived, and I had to dig out my reciept to prove to them that they really did have to bring it all the way into the kitchen, install it, and take away our old one.

Because we had already paid them to do it.

Really. We had.

So when they were finally convinced, and after some grumbling about squeezing the dishwasher past all the baby toys in the house, they hooked it all up, and we turned that baby on.

And nothing happened.

Well, not exactly nothing. It made some noise but it was so quiet that we all leaned in to see if that was the water.

It wasn't.

An hour of pushing buttons later I had to refuse to accept the new dishwasher, convince them that they had to bring the old one back in, because they wanted to leave a gaping hole the size of a large cave in my kitchen, with live electrical wires hanging out.

They said we just shouldn't touch them.

Yeah.

So they put the old dishwasher back in and left.

Note that I said "put it back in" and not "installed."

Because they didn't. Install it.

So after dinner we had to handwash about a days worth of dishes. And then we opened the cupboard under the sink. And that's when we found the flood.

And all the food we had just washed off the dishes.

So we had to empty the cupboard, clean out all the water, food and general nastiness, and my first instinct (which I thankfully avoided) was to grab the sink sponge and rinse it out in the sink.

And Home Depot does not currently have anyone in the store they can call to fix this, so we are sinkless until tomorrow. Because the delivery men left the old dishwasher, but did not leave any of the hoses or pipes, so I can't even go in there and try to fix it myself.

Not that I'd know what to do if they had, but still. It would have been something.

It's organized randomness

I haven't been able to make a full post out of my thoghts lately, so here they are in no particular order:

1. We have finished two full weeks of deployment! Luke is taking it the hardest and his behavior has deteriorated quite a bit. The other day he flooded our bathroom....literally. I had just shut off the water in his bath and had been out of the room for maybe three minutes when Chloe ran to tell me Luke was getting the floor wet. I went to check, and he had emptied out most of the tub using the bucket for rinsing hair. There was half an inch of water covering the entire bathroom floor, and it flooded the carpet three feet out into the hallway. Of course all he could say as I lectured and punished and made him help clean up, was "why not?"

2. I really like webcams. This is the first time we have been able to use them while he's been gone and it changes the dynamics a bit. Although I had to laugh because since my husband is looking down at his laptop screen and not the camera, it makes it look like he's trying to look down my shirt from the computer! And since he totally does that in real life, it's kind of like he's standing right in front of me :)

3. While blog browsing several weeks ago I came across Jennifer at Mississippi Girl whose husband was almost home from a deployment. We got to commenting and emailing and decided we'd try to get together, as we probably lived close enough. Then last Sunday I saw a pretty black-haired girl singing on our praise team at church, and guess what! It was her! We live just a few blocks from each other and go to the same church. So we got together for lunch at Chick Fil A last week, and I had a blast! She's so sweet and so fun to talk to and our kids enjoyed playing together. It just humbled me to think of how God worked all those details out, from directing me to her blog, and her to mine, to moving us near each other, knowing that having someone nearby who could relate to me would be a huge encouragement. Plus she gave me a recommendation for a good salon to get a haircut, and if that isn't evidence of God's provision, I don't know what is!

4. I just got the book "Chocolatherapy" in the mail. I'll let you know how it is!

A benefit

So I've discovered one benefit to my husband being dployed.

A king-size bed with only one occupant?

Totally holds like 4 loads of laundry.

I may not hang up clothes for the next 6 months!

The X's have it

So today I was feeling like a strong, competent woman.

• I filed a complaint with Verizon for telling us (among many untruths) that the Global Backberry they wanted us to buy (and we bought) works in Japan (it doesn't).
• I moved large, heavy boxes from the door where the UPS guy left them into the living room.
• I built one part of a modular bookcase, and two other parts I unpackaged and then repackaged because they were damaged. I called to get replacements.
• I got up at 5:30am to get all of us ready and to VBS on time.
• I made it to VBS on time.
• I actually did homeschool with Chloe today.
• I cleaned out our pond without losing any fish.

I stood in the kitchen making a fresh, homecooked meal microwaving Easymac, feeling strong and competent, and like I could make it through the next 6 months.

And then I glanced to my left where the calendar is.

And I saw that there were only three x's.

Which means there are, oh, 180 or so more to go before my husband comes home.

And then I started crying again.

*edited to change the number of days left...I thought deployment was about 160 days, but it's about 180.

And I didn't even cry when I figured that out!

I may not shower for the next 6 months

How not to start a deployment-


1. Leave your children alone near an open box while you take a shower, especially if:
A) Said box contains sheets of styrofoam- you know, that stuff made from thousands of little tiny balls of styrofoam that have been pressed together?
B) Your children have toy tools, including a saw, which can cut up those styrofoam sheets.
C) You have TWO ceiling fans in the room that can blow the aforementioned thousands of tiny balls of styrofoam into every conceivable (and some inconceivable) nook and cranny of your room.


I had to vacuum my walls, ya'll.


2. Ponder why so much steam is coming from your pot of boiling water. Yelp (and attract the attention of your children) when you realize it is smoke coming from the fire underneath your burner. Proceed to teach your panicked 4-year-old what to do if the fire was actually a big one and how to call 911.


3. Escape your styrofoam-laden house to go to storytime at Barnes and Noble. Storytime is replaced by a play about dragons and fairys. Terrify children with the large, costumed "baby" dragon. Stay and watch the play due to an inability to move caused by your left arm rocking the overtired baby's stroller, your lap being full of scared 4-year-old, and a scared 2-year old cowering behind your back and strangling the life out of you.


It's going to be an interesting 6 months.